What is sensitivity?

Credit: https://theamusedonlooker.wordpress.com/2017/08/05/comic-strip-saturday-sensitivity/

Hello all!

This week’s article will be short. This week, our focus will be on this word: 

Sensitivity

Yes, you probably guessed it already. But why are these important? 

I don’t think most of us probably consider the impact of our words on others sometimes. We may casually throw around a phrase, assuming that everyone is fine with its usage, for a myriad of reasons eg I am around good friends; This has always been the way in which I speak, and so far, nobody has said anything about it. 

It may be ok to say certain things around your friends, but this can become a problem when someone else may not share the same sentiment or view as you do about something which you may have said. We cannot assume that certain things we always said are the norm. That woman may look nonchalant, but she may be feeling hurt by how you laughed at her academic grades. In my experience so far, I have had people who have commented on some of my actions, and admittedly, I felt hurt by what they have said. 

You may also say that the other person may be a wimp, or simply weak if they cannot take such a comment. But we do not realise that not everyone comes from the same background. Not all of us come from an expensive landed property. As our National Pledge states, we are a mixture of people of different “race, language or religion”. 

Having said all of this, here are some ways in which we can exercise sensitivity when we talk with others:

Belittling other people’s accomplishments. To summarise, we should not say things to belittle behaviour. As humans, all of us have our own weaknesses and character flaws. I have been in situations where others have remarked that my own academic accomplishments pale in comparison to others, and it certainly was not very pleasant for me. I think instead, that we should celebrate everyone’s accomplishments for their own merit. Everyone has their own struggles, and we should, at the very least, be respectful to them if they have  made accomplishments. 

Being empathetic and non-judgmental. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. This is quite derivative from the previous two points. Nevertheless, I think that this is something which we can all practice. An example is taking time to understand the perspective of our fellow classmates regarding what we say or even just listening to the advice of our parents. Yes, it can be challenging for is(especially the latter for adolescents!). However, by doing this, we not only provide support to those, who can be in mental distress, but we may also benefit ourselves, as we learn advice from others(yes even our parents). 

In fact, as proof of how empathy can go a long way, here is this article from the Singapore Strait Times:

https://mothership.sg/2019/12/hougang-assistant-station-manager-gold-transport-award/

Here is additional advice from the American Psycholgical Association:

Be open and kind. When having conversations, avoid polarizing language and personal attacks. Remember with whom you are having the conversation. It may be a family member or someone important to you. 

Communicate effectively. Avoid having conversations on sensitive topics early in the morning or right before an important event. Try to be mindful of your words and tone and not let the conversation become hostile or combative, as that could have potential to negatively affect the relationship in the future.

Keep calm when tensions rise. Preparing for how you might react in advance of a conversation will increase your self-awareness and may give you more options if you want to de-escalate tension. If you find yourself quick to react in a heated conversation, it may benefit you to take a step back and remind yourself to be calm. Try taking deep breaths when you find yourself getting worked up or politely change the topic of conversation. Only you can control your emotions, and being aware of them will help you to lessen tension with others.

Have conversation goals. Understanding your goals when it comes to communicating with others may be helpful to having productive conversations. Whether the conversation is on a sensitive topic, such as healthcare, or not, it’s important to determine what you hope to achieve from the conversation. Is it that you want to change the person’s mind or to simply hear and better understand their point of view? Establishing easy, attainable goals when communicating with others will help to ease tension in a conversation.

Accept that you may not change the other person’s mind. When in conversation, you may notice that the other person may not agree with your opinions or statements. Having conversations, specifically on sensitive topics, will not always be easy going. Recognize that you may not be able to change their viewpoints. Use the conversation as an opportunity to share views, not to convince anyone that your view is best.

Disagreeing with someone you care about is ok. It is important to remember that you are not always going to agree with everyone. It is ok to agree to disagree. Your personal opinions and beliefs make you unique. It might be hard to accept that a loved one or friend may have opposing ideologies than you, but understanding their viewpoints will help contribute to healthy relationships.

Know when to end the conversation. If the conversation has not come to a resolution, you may want to find an appropriate time to end the discussion peacefully. It may be that you change the topic of conversation or suggest another activity, but reinforce maintaining the relationship you have with the other person. Even though there wasn’t an agreement, continue to participate in activities you enjoy together.

Be proactive. If you are concerned about potentially difficult conversations at family gatherings, such as during the holidays, remember these events are about bringing people together, not driving them apart. Focus on good memories and what you and your family have in common. Plan activities that foster fun and laughter, such as playing a family game or looking through old photo albums.

Not saying things out of anger. It is easy to lose our composure and utter comments that we normally would restrain. However, what we often forget, or overlook, are the unintended effects of our actions. In my point of view, this may mean that people may construe our words to be a hurtful remark. This may not be obvious in the moment, but people may construe it to be an offensive or hurtful remark.

Let’s all practice compassion and understanding towards each other, Singapore. A kind word can go a long way towards even saving someone. 

As Confucius said, do not do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.

Regards,

Elijah